The months of November and December were busy ones for Baby Ap and Baby Er. They accomplished so many things:  sitting up, crawling, pulling up, waving, clapping, eating finger foods and table foods…the list really goes on and on. The latest development has been standing up and letting go. Yes, letting go. The first time each of my girls did this, I felt this strange feeling inside. I’m always one for metaphors, so I immediately felt like I was witnessing one playing out right before my eyes.

Letting go.

It is really the first time that I took pause for a moment, caught my breath, and experienced a little twinge of sadness in my heart. These first ten months of my daughters’ lives have been amazing, challenging, exciting, and exhausting. I’ve cherished every day that I have spent with them and I am forever grateful for the opportunity to be home with them. When they each stood up, concentrating so very hard, and released their chubby little fingers from my grasp, it really hit me. This is a new beginning. A new leap forward into a life of independence. Not only were they letting go, but so was I. And that thought, that epiphany, left a tiny ache deep inside me that has lingered.

I want to be able to rock them to sleep forever. I want to be able to soothe them with a lullaby forever. I want to be able to hold on to them forever. But I can’t. This realization has made all the sleepless nights and overwhelming days worth it. Worth. Every. Minute. For I know I won’t get that time back and I’m so overjoyed to have the memories of their first months in this world.

Sure, I’ve had to let things go in my life before – comments, criticism, relationships, mistakes. It’s never really an easy task. But this time it’s different. This time I’m really being put to the test. This time, it’s hard.

So, I can’t really say that this latest milestone is one for just Baby Ap and Baby Er alone. They’re learning – as daughters, as toddlers – and we’re learning – as parents, as Mom and Dad -  just how to let go.